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  • Love does not exist.
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25. November 2013 1 25 /11 /November /2013 11:09

That awkward moment, when you wake up and you think WTF??!!

 

That happens quite often to me. But last night was absolutely special in it's awkwardness.

I chatted with a guy from Pakistan and we discussed the Islam quite intensly. He invited me over to Pakistan, so that I could see for myself how the Islam works. I agreed and booked a flight. It was not a non-stop flight. I landed in Canada!!! Awkwardness number one, ... or two? As I landed, I thought to myself 'Hmm ... It might not be such a good idea to go to Pakistan, in the end they want me to convert to the Islam'. So, what did I do? I called my Ex-Indian-boyfriend! I asked him to come over to Canada to talk to me. And he did that! I had no visa for Canada, so I had to stay nearby the airport, similar to the situation in Terminal with Tom Hanks. But the place I stayed in was like a parking lot, filled with beds. There were hundreds of beds, OUTSIDE! And think, it was CANADA! So it was quite cold. My Indian was there with me, and I told him what happened. He was quite angry with me when he heard all that. But he stayed with me. He slept in the bed next to me, and we talked a lot. Suddenly, my Mom called to tell me that I received an invoice over 70€ for aquarell-crayons. That friend from Pakistan had ordered them and sent them to me. So I wrote a letter to tell that company, that I would not pay for these crayons. Then I woke up. 

Funny dream, huh?

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15. November 2013 5 15 /11 /November /2013 18:47

Chaos storming thoughts

Thoughts like a twister

Feelings veiled, unclear

Confusion prevails

Happiness gone into hiding

Chronological movements

Promise peace

For a while

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15. November 2013 5 15 /11 /November /2013 18:21

In a distant land .... not so far away, there is a girl who still has not fully dealt with her not so very recent past. She tries to be happy and cheerful, but it hardly ever works. She can wear a mask, sure, but there is not much feeling behind it. She follows her impulses, so today she went into the forbidden forest. It is forbidden, for there lie memories she wants to get rid of. She goes there, nevertheless. And it comes as it has to come, her thoughts wander off to the past, and she is not able to concentrate on the beautiful scenery surrounding her. She feels sad, but cannot do anything about it. She smiles at every stranger who comes her way, afraid he, who can not be named walks her in her way. She is a paranoid poor little soul. She wants to become better so bad. How can she achieve it? Well, maybe she should not force it. Maybe she should not think so muchpower-of-moonlight.jpg. Maybe she should not go into the forbidden forest anymore. But that's the only forest she knows here, in that distant, yet not so very far land. And she loves forests so much. In her hometown, the forest is her weapon, her shield, she feels safe there. Not so in this forbidden forest, not anymore. She prays to all the gods and godesses to help her get better. The power of moonlight will help her. Music andcrafting help also. 

 

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15. November 2013 5 15 /11 /November /2013 10:35

Thinking too much is one of my major problems. Thinking in circles is another. 

But be that as it may, I think I got some good insights by thinking ... too much.

I thought about the recent developments. It occured to me that people blame ME when they treat me bad. They do not want to accept their own mistakes, it's always the other's fault. Apparently I put a so called friend under pressure, when actually it was her, who asked me to meet up with her. Someone else said that I did not tell him how I felt about certain things, and that's why he kept on doing them. But it is just not true, I did tell him. But what can I do when no one listens to me? 

People blame me, so that they can feel better about themselves. I just do not understand how people can be so shallow, well, it makes life easy for them. Moreover, I seem to be the perfect victim for people like that. But not anymore!

It is, as I always say: you cannot trust anyone but yourself. It makes life kinda lonely, but it's still better than to be disappointed all the time. 

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12. November 2013 2 12 /11 /November /2013 16:47

Since I last wrote here, a lot has changed.

I had another boyfriend, who treated me ... not very good. I was in therapy for 3,5 months and I learned a lot about myself.

I do not live alone though. Living in a shared flat is okay for me, with the right person. The last shared flat, I lived in was pure horror. 

What hasn't changed, is that I am still creative. I have started sewing. I never thought I could do that, because I am so very very impatient. But somehow it works. I'm not very accurate about sewing, which has to do with my impatience. And I guess that's why some of my projects do not turn out that well. But somethimes I am lucky and it works, although I am not that accurate. Just now I've sown a loop with rests of cotton I had lying around.  I am going to sew more n more n more :D 

handytaschen.jpgIMG 0525IMG 0526IMG_0527.JPGIMG_0530.JPG

I still love baking and cooking stuff. One of my friends wants me to make "Heavenly Rum-Cupcakes". I ll make them maybe on Friday. 

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16. Oktober 2011 7 16 /10 /Oktober /2011 18:42

It has been a very long time indeed, since I have published anything here. And many things have changed since then.

Soon I will start my 5th semester at the University of Trier. I study English and German as a Foreign Language. I work at a bakery again.

I also moved into a new flat with someone who I thought was my friend, but now I found out she really never was. Although I think she still does not see that i know it. I am quite upset about her, but her reactions are kind of funny, childish and they make me laugh sometimes. I only have a few real friends, but at least of them I can be sure to be true friends. I admit that I am not so easy to get along with at times. But it is not too much to ask to NOT smoke in the flat, is it? Or to clean up sometimes, or wash dirty dishes? 

It now has been more than 2.5 years that i was in India and I am more than happy that the part of India I love most will come to visit me in December. :) 

 

Dreams

"She woke up with a start from a scary dream, she remembered it vividly. She was in a white room with other people, wearing no expression on their faces. Guards were there and handed the 'prisoners' colourful sachets with coloured powder in it. As soon as they were opened, the powder became things, those people really wanted to have, and for a moment they were happy. But that moment passed quickly and they had no facial expressions again. She looked at them, the guard handed her some sachets too, but she knew, as soon as she opened it, she would become like them. That was something she did not want, so she refused to open them. The guards started to threaten her. She screamed: "NOOO NOOOO, I do not want to become like them, I want to be me!". That's when she woke up and thought about that dream. No, she really did not want to become like all the other people out there, she wants REAL things, not some fake powdery stuff, which will break or vanish with time. What she wants are experiences, gathered by LIVING, travelling, and such things. She did not just want to function like a robot, so that she can buy powdery fake stuff."

by me

 

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9. Mai 2009 6 09 /05 /Mai /2009 20:05
The daughters of my boss are always painting or creating something for me.
Today the younger one made a necklace for me. As of now I m not having a picture of that. But I am having a picture of the picture the elder one painted of me.
Here it is:


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9. Mai 2009 6 09 /05 /Mai /2009 19:53
Yes, it really does!

I am working at the gardener's shop now.
I had so many job offers, but in the end I took this one, because it was the best. Just next to my door, I am outside and with nature. A little hard work is what i need.
And it is really interesting, I am learning a lot, not only about flowers, also about the culture in the Ivory Coast, as my boss' wife is from there.

And I found my favourite flower. The only bad thing is, that I m not finding time to read anymore.

Here a picture of my favourite flower:

Osteospernum:




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20. April 2009 1 20 /04 /April /2009 13:54

out of SONGS OF EXPERIENCE by William Blake

Dear Mother, dear Mother, the Church is cold,
But the Ale-house is healthy and pleasant and warm;
Besides I can tell where I am used well,
Such usage in Heaven will never do well.

But if at the Church they would give us some Ale,
And a pleasant fire our souls to regale,
We'd sing and we'd pray all the live-long day,
Nor ever once wish from the Church to stray.

Then the Parson might preach, and drink, and sing,
And we'd be as happy as birds in the spring;
And modest Dame Lurch, who is always at Church,
Would not have bandy children, nor fasting, nor birch.

And God, like a father rejoicing to see
His children as pleasant and happy as he,
Would have no more quarrel with the Devil or the Barrel,
But kiss him, and give him both drink and apparel.

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20. April 2009 1 20 /04 /April /2009 13:42

Mhhhmmm ... there are some very tasty snacks in India, called: Pakora

But I was just calling them "fried snacks". And was asking my boyfriend if we could have some "fried snacks" someday.

He looked at me in confusion, and asked WHAT?
Again I said: fried snacks!

He finally got it and said: OOOhhhhh, fried snacks. I was getting FRIED SNAKES, and got shocked.

hehe

They are really easy to prepare, one just needs:

* gram flour
* water
* salt
* spices ... I use chili powder
* raw chopped vegetables (cauliflower, potatoes, onions, brinjals ...)
* oil to fry

So, just mix the flour, water, salt and spices, and make a thick dough, then dip your chopped vegetables into it, and fry them in a lot of oil.
Done :)

Here a picture:

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